What I have learned from grieving....

I have been given time to heal over the past couple of weeks because I believe God's mercies are new every day. I believe that every morning I wake up and the lover of my soul says to me, "I am with you today. Let's do this!" I believe He holds my hand as I get into my car or onto my bike and He carries me to my next destination. I believe He gives me the strength to do those things that I could not do on my own. I believe He shields my eyes and comforts my heart when too much lies before me. And what does He say? He says this to me, "I am giving you just what you need for this moment. Right now. Right this second. And next? I will give you what you need for that one too."

I am learning that my God is a God that is trustworthy. I am a believer that my God pushes me to my limits, but does not expect me to enter into a world that I am not yet fully equipped to handle. I blogged a couple of entries ago about my efforts to find joy where there is none. He is so good to me. I have been given God's mercy and grace over the past couple of weeks. I have been given the chance to let my raw heart begin to mend. He is filling me up in numerous ways and I can't help but thank Him. I finally feel like I can breathe again. I can finally feel the air deep in my lungs open and close allowing my lungs to reach its full capacity of air. And that my friends is a beautiful thing. It's amazing how when you are in the midst of grieving and learning to carry on in the midst of pain that your lungs seem to only work at 25%. I have come to learn that God is here with us and he is FOR us. He has given me some very painful, unique situations to challenge me emotionally and spiritually. But in the end, I have learned that allowing time to let your heart mend is an important and necessary task. It is something that should not be taken lightly. It is something that I will continue to do until I feel more whole and ready to take on the next thing that comes my way.

I've Got My Eye on You....

Here are some things that I have had my eye on lately...

PB Headboard....one of these days I will own you. :)



Hunter Rain Boots... I actually just splurged to buy these. I bought a bike to ride to work and I need rainboots when it rains. Or maybe just because they are cute!



JCrew summer dress.... it is PRECIOUS!



Happy Spring to You All!!! :)

Happiness.

Pure happiness on a Sunday afternoon.

Bucket List for 2011

Wow, I am super blogger today. I took some time last night to revamp the look of my blog and now I am getting back into the swing of blogging. It's actually becoming fun again. So, some of my goals for myself over the next year is to try to come up with more passions in my life. What do you mean by that you ask? Well, here are the first five things for 2011.

-take tennis lessons
-ZUMBA!
-paint a picture
-read 5 Jane Austen books
-be a spectator at Wimbledon

I will keep you updated on my next 5 for my 2011 bucket list soon!

Photography

I'm intrigued.... I want to start taking more pictures with my Nikon camera. I'll let you know how it goes. You may see more photos on here from time to time. Just thought I would share!

Holding onto Time

Happy Sunday to all! It has been a great weekend so far. J and I went to Sebastian, FL for two days for a little getaway trip. We went down on Friday night and spent the night. It was so nice to be able to be together in another place besides Orlando. We are very mindful of the time we have been given, right now, just us two. We want to savor every single second of being a family of two before we start having kids. Life is so easy for us right now. We can come and go as we please. We can take weekend trips to the beautiful coast or even a day at the beach. We can come home from work, go to the gym, and cuddle up together on the couch to watch some of our favorite shows. It's so nice. My prayer for us right now is to enjoy THIS moment of our story. I love it and don't want to rush it. This is a moment in time that we can never recreate once we have kids. So for now, I am holding onto the time I have with just my husband. I'm holding onto it because I love this man more every single day.

Have a great day! Enjoy the extra hours of sunshine! :)

Finding Joy...where there seems to be none.

This is quite possibly one of the most difficult times yet to date. I can't simply put into words the haziness and the pain I feel on a daily basis. My eyes are welling up with tears as I write this, but I am convinced that getting it out on paper as depressing as it seems will benefit me. I have blogged before about life as a Child Life Specialist. It is a job that I believe, changes the world as we know it. I know it sounds extreme. Bear with me. I feel exhausted. I feel like I have surpassed the possibility of ever having enough strength to do my job the way that God intends for it to be done. My heart huts. My heart hurts...all....the....time. Lately, it seems to stay, to linger. I have experienced more death in the last ten weeks than I have ever hoped for in a lifetime. I have witnessed 10 precious children die. Yes, 10 kids gone in 10 weeks. The math is simple. 1 kid approximately a week. As it would seem, some weeks we have had no deaths. And unfortunately, some... we have had multiple deaths. I have no strength left. Literally. I wake up every morning begging for God's mercy on today. I ask him ever so gently, Lord please provide a day that I don't experience yet another child returning to you. I know deep down it is a good thing. I know all kids who die go to heaven. I am truly convinced of that. It doesn't make it any easier on the caregivers, muchless the families.

I adore my job. I get the humbling opportunity to hold families up while they beg God to heal their child. I snuggle babies, love on kids, and hang out with teenagers. It really is a privilege. But, it is extremely heartbreaking and draining. In July, I will have done this job for 5 years. I am blessed to have worked with hundreds of families who have changed my life. I just need a lot of healing right now. I need a lot of mending.

Please pray that my heart would begin to heal in order to serve the hundreds of families yet to walk into our doors.